Time flies

So here I am again... just few weeks later than I planned. I did mean to write after my last mini trip, but as we all know, time tends to fly and suddenly you realize that weeks have gone by.

So what has happened? Well, I did go to see my friends and I did have a great time... I even went for a "swim" in the ocean, which doesn't happen very often, to tell you the truth. It was really refreshing, but nothing that I feel the need to do too often... I prefer to sit on the beach and just watch it (the ocean). It makes me calm and at peace. That's enough for me.

So once I was back, full of new-found energy, I decided that it was time to start finding a way to finance my big trip to the US of A. I started by checking my personal letter and CV... just to find out that it needed a full make over...Few weeks later and I have a new letter and a improved CV. I feel satisfied with my latest achievement, but the question is, is it enough? I mean, let's face the fact; I am over 40, I haven't finished my high school nor do I have any other proper education and no, I am not in my 20's any more... Plus I haven't been working for ages... or so it feels. So what are my chances to find a good work? The times are tougher and the jobs are fewer, which means that there are more people for every new job. I can only hope that A: things are going to change soon... B: the employers are looking for someone a little bit older and someone with experience. At least that is what I have... Experience...

Staying home and with little money in your pocket, can make anyone go insane.. That is if you have to stay that way for months or even years... In the end you feel that anything is better than that and you are prepared to take (almost) any job that comes along. So that is where I am at this moment... I am ready to take what ever might come along. I've been spending hours at the computer refining my CV and looking for a job... And as my applications fly into the cyberspace, I get more frustrated and worried that there are really no jobs for someone in my position.

And I am not only looking close to my home... I am practically looking everywhere! Cause I know that I might have to move. It's not my first hand choice but hey, it's something I need to do. Cause time IS flying by... So if not now, then when?

I've been spending to much time just thinking that I have enough time and that the right opportunity will eventually come along. But I guess that is not going to happen if I just stay here by my computer... Life is not going to come and knock on my door with an job offer or anything else for that matter ;O) It never has, it never will.

Until next, thanks for stopping by! Take care!
The restless vagabond.

On the road again...

Finally I'm off for some new adventures! Last night I tumbled over a cheap ticket to Gothenburg on the internet. I had almost given up the idea of going, when I found it and I wasn't late to book it either. So this afternoon I'm going to visit some dear friends of mine and it isn't everyday I have the opportunity to do so... Just getting away, even though for just few days, is exactly what I need right now. It's such a feeling of freedom, to be able to travel... And as most of you know by now, I am hooked on travelling! Long trips or short, doesn't matter. Just to get to pack my bag and leave everyday grey life behind is something we all need to do now and then. Just to recharge our batteries and get some new strength. And if you can't travel for some reason, you should at least get out and explore the area you are living in. Whether it's the beach or a walk in the forest... That is at least what I should be doing more off. I am so fortuned to be living close to both so I really should enjoy this more than I do... Well off I go, need to catch the train. I'll be back with lots of pics! Take care! The Vagabond!

Proud!

A few years ago, a person who's very close to me, went through a really tough time. It was not only tough for that person, but for everyone else around too. But, as families and friends do when things get tough, we stuck together as much as we could. And because we did, we got through this trial and today we are closer than ever.

I believe that anything IS possible if you set your mind to it, and if you have a family and friends that believe in you and support you no matter what.

Life is full of trials and tests and some are tougher than others. And if you are week, some trials can be just too much and all you can do is to give in... In times like that, it is so important that you don't give up. It is so important to let people around you know how you're feeling and what you are going through and that you need them more than ever. There is no time to let pride take charge. Easier said than done, I do know. Sometimes it takes so much energy to just talk about what is going on.

But if you don't reach out for help... It is going to be so much tougher.

And today I am so glad that this person did reach out. And as a family we fought against this demon that had taken over things and lifes too much.

Two years have past and today I have a new chance to build a new and healthy relationship with the concerned. Everyday I am so thankful that we did get a second change and that this person got a new start and a change for healthy and happy life. I just can imagine what a hell it must have been to go through. And I hope and pray that no one else that I care for, will ever have to go down that road.

I just want to say to the concerned, and you know who you are when you read this;
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! And I am so thankful that you are still in my life. And I am so looking forward to get to know you better and I wish you all the luck and fortune in the world!!

Love to you all!

To learn how to enjoy what you already have...

So here I go again... another try to write down something meaningful yet not too serious...

The thing is, I have a rather big problem. Is not a bad "problem", it's more a tiring one. To make a long story short, and for you that don't know me too well... I have ADHD = attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It simply means that my brain works in mysterious ways. Not always easy to understand for my self or others.

This problem, one of many, is that I get very very easily tired of things and places (and sometimes it goes even further than that. But that's another story).

So after years and years of moving around and throwing stuff that I thought I didn't need or want.. (caused by the never ending need to be on the move... in other words places and things I'd gotten tired of and therefore I need a change...) I am now trying to turn things around and learn to accept, appreciate and enjoy what I have and where I am, at this moment. Cause really, nothing lasts forever... Life is just a long series of moments... That's at least how I see it. Sorry if this is a bit confusing. But please bare with me.

I've reached a point in my life where I've gotten tired of this pattern, this endless need of being on the move and getting rid of stuff, just ending up buying everything again and again... Now I just want to learn how to enjoy what I already have.

So how do you avoid getting so tired of the everyday life that you need a new start, all the time? I know we all get tired sometimes of our everyday routines and we all need to get away from time to time... But normal people don't change their address or their entire home whenever they get tired of it. You make your choice on where to live and what things to buy, and you stick to it and you put up with it at least for a while (read years...) And it also goes for what eduction or job you might choose. Big decisions are made for things that are supposed to last. But it seems that my brain doesn't get that. It just thinks; OK this is boring, I don't like it any more, time for something new! And believe me, after years and years of these kind of thoughts and impulsive acts, I am now officially tired. I am so tired that I've been living at the same place for more than a year (and it's not even my own place!) And this really is not the best time to be too tired...

Now and then I get those annoying thoughts that I should leave just once more and start all over again (Which I will need to do sooner or later whether I like it or not ). But even though I (try to) leave and "this time it's for good", I always end up returning to the same place (again, not my own)...

So what is it that is really happening? Could this be, that I have changed or am changing and that I actually like what I have? (for once) And that I am actually enjoying it too? Could it be, that my need for a place on my own, has changed? Maybe I don't want to live on my own... Maybe it is quite all right to share a flat with a friend? I mean, it maybe isn't that bad to have someone to talk to when you are feeling lonely... I am not saying it's all easy always, but then again, what is?

If I really disliked my current life situation, wouldn't I been out of here long time ago? I know this isn't a long term solution, BUT it isn't the worst either... I don't lack anything really. So why can't I just relax here and now and just enjoy it as long as it lasts? Why worry all the time and why always stay busy planning my life, the next step when I could instead enjoy all the good things that are around me and all the good people that care for me RIGHT NOW!

That my friends is a lesson I need to learn. And I actually think I am starting to get it. It will take time that I know, but I feel something is happening and something is changing...

Thanks for stopping by, I do appreciate it :O) Feel free to comment.

Love, the Vagabond

Long time no see...

Howdy!

It´s been a while since I wrote something so I guess its time...
Since last time I´ve been to Iceland and back... Just to realize that I have no clue where I belong.
I just find myself more confused than ever. I always thought that when you get older you become more wiser... Well in this case it´s not true. I just don´t get it any more. I wish I had some one to tell me why things are the way they are. But I guess that at the end of the day, I am the only one with the right answer.

So back in Sweden once again for the.... I have no idea any more how many times I´ve returned... And to be honest I am getting so tired of this behaviour and pattern that I seem to be stuck in. So how do I break loose and find a new way? Where on earth will I find the courage to just let go of old habits? And what does it take to make me dare to do so?

I only wish I had the answer and I wish I had it today. If any one sees this and recognizes this feeling and has come up with a good solution, please DO share :O)

Be well where ever and who ever you are! Peace!

Going home...

Finally I've got the ticket! In little more than one week, I'll be on the plane with my dear mom on my way to good ol' Iceland! Yesterday she came to Sweden for the first time. It is goin to be so much fun to show her where I live and where I've been spending many years of my adult life... Just lets hope the weather will be on our side and let the sun shine at least for some days... Right now it all feels a bit dizzy... It's not often I get a visit from Iceland. I guess it takes few days to adjust and get used to the idea... But one thing is sure... It's gonna be a great time!

Later!

promises and plans...

Okey, it's been a while since my last post, but I've been kinda busy thinking of where I'm going and of course turning 40!

So with that taken care off, (well at least the turning 40 part...) I now think I can start focusing on other things. Many thoughts have crossed my mind and I've made too many decisions that I know deep down inside I'll never follow through... At least not all of them...

The once that I am actually going to follow through are:

1. A trip to Iceland
2. Work at Stockholm Pride
3. Save money for a new camera
4. Save money for the USA trip

It's going to be tough, but if I just put my mind to it, I know I can do it all. I just need to have a good plan and a budget! These are things I really want to do, so there should be no reason why I can't do it. I just need to get in touch with the more economic side of my self, which I know I have and just make it happen! :O)

That thing, that I've reached a new point in my life has made me think, that if I don't do it now, then when? I just can't sit around making lots of plans that'll never will see the light of day...
All this confusion doesn't only affect me... There are lots of people around me that count on that I'll keep my promises...

I truly sometimes hate the fact that I am "suffering" from ADHD... It makes my brain work in a mysterious way... It's not all negative to have ADHD, it makes me the person I am, in both good and bad ways. I just tend to make promises that I sometimes just can't keep. And my intentions aren't bad... it just works that way... I promise too much and I am an hopeless optimist!

So to try to stop that bad behaviour, I tone down my promises. I try to not promise any big things or too much. It takes lot of practise and unfortunately, lots of broken promises... But I am doing my best and I am trying. That much I can promise you.

So let's keep our fingers crossed (or not?) and hope I'll make it to Iceland to begin with!

Take care!