To learn how to enjoy what you already have...

So here I go again... another try to write down something meaningful yet not too serious...

The thing is, I have a rather big problem. Is not a bad "problem", it's more a tiring one. To make a long story short, and for you that don't know me too well... I have ADHD = attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It simply means that my brain works in mysterious ways. Not always easy to understand for my self or others.

This problem, one of many, is that I get very very easily tired of things and places (and sometimes it goes even further than that. But that's another story).

So after years and years of moving around and throwing stuff that I thought I didn't need or want.. (caused by the never ending need to be on the move... in other words places and things I'd gotten tired of and therefore I need a change...) I am now trying to turn things around and learn to accept, appreciate and enjoy what I have and where I am, at this moment. Cause really, nothing lasts forever... Life is just a long series of moments... That's at least how I see it. Sorry if this is a bit confusing. But please bare with me.

I've reached a point in my life where I've gotten tired of this pattern, this endless need of being on the move and getting rid of stuff, just ending up buying everything again and again... Now I just want to learn how to enjoy what I already have.

So how do you avoid getting so tired of the everyday life that you need a new start, all the time? I know we all get tired sometimes of our everyday routines and we all need to get away from time to time... But normal people don't change their address or their entire home whenever they get tired of it. You make your choice on where to live and what things to buy, and you stick to it and you put up with it at least for a while (read years...) And it also goes for what eduction or job you might choose. Big decisions are made for things that are supposed to last. But it seems that my brain doesn't get that. It just thinks; OK this is boring, I don't like it any more, time for something new! And believe me, after years and years of these kind of thoughts and impulsive acts, I am now officially tired. I am so tired that I've been living at the same place for more than a year (and it's not even my own place!) And this really is not the best time to be too tired...

Now and then I get those annoying thoughts that I should leave just once more and start all over again (Which I will need to do sooner or later whether I like it or not ). But even though I (try to) leave and "this time it's for good", I always end up returning to the same place (again, not my own)...

So what is it that is really happening? Could this be, that I have changed or am changing and that I actually like what I have? (for once) And that I am actually enjoying it too? Could it be, that my need for a place on my own, has changed? Maybe I don't want to live on my own... Maybe it is quite all right to share a flat with a friend? I mean, it maybe isn't that bad to have someone to talk to when you are feeling lonely... I am not saying it's all easy always, but then again, what is?

If I really disliked my current life situation, wouldn't I been out of here long time ago? I know this isn't a long term solution, BUT it isn't the worst either... I don't lack anything really. So why can't I just relax here and now and just enjoy it as long as it lasts? Why worry all the time and why always stay busy planning my life, the next step when I could instead enjoy all the good things that are around me and all the good people that care for me RIGHT NOW!

That my friends is a lesson I need to learn. And I actually think I am starting to get it. It will take time that I know, but I feel something is happening and something is changing...

Thanks for stopping by, I do appreciate it :O) Feel free to comment.

Love, the Vagabond