How to move on?

Lately, life has thrown me little too many curve balls. And since I am not the best catcher and never really have been, I'm now facing too many situations I simply can not handle in the best way.

I am not going to be too private here, but among the things that have happened, I can tell you about a loss of a very close relative. My beloved grandmother. A person that always has been there for me, no matter what. Every time I needed a good advice or just to call and hear her voice, she was there. And I always felt so much stronger after talking to her. She always said the right things. And her belief in me never ended. That kept me going on in life.

Only two weeks after coming back from Italy, I was back on the plane, this time going home, to my roots. Now it was to say the last farewell and to face my family and my past. I can not describe how strange it was to not be able to see my grandmother, waiting in the doorway, as I came up the stairs. To not sit with her in the kitchen having many of her wonderful cakes and wonderful home cooking. To not hear her voice... When I needed it the most. I have never felt so lonely. Even though she has been ill for many years and I haven't been able to speak to her for a very long time, she always has been there anyway. And that has given me strength. I know in my heart she's still around us, watching over her family. But at the same time I just can not grasp that she is gone.

I'v red that it takes time to understand and heal from a loss of a person that has been close to you. I honestly don't know how to move on... How do people cope? I read about it on the internet and I talk to people, and all I hear and see is, that it takes time and that your mood can shift for a while...  All I want is to make it go faster. I want to push fast forward and let it be summer or at least spring. Not the middle of dark November... But at the same time I am thankful it is soon Christmas with all it's lights, music and wonderful smells... I really don't have the perfect ending for this post, but I know that winter always turns to spring. I know that time will heal all wounds... Even mine...

Where do I begin...

This has been an incredible week! First, my sweet love came to me after a long time no see... then I launched my website and finally I received my Gohonzon. It has been a week filled with LOVE and JOY! I have been surroundet with amore mio and my closest friends, new friends and old. Everywhere I have been there has been so much love that it could go around the world and back! I am still floating on a cloud...  so so happy! Good whises have come one after another and I am overwhelmed. It has been one of the best times in my life and I can only wish that more people could have come to share this moments with me. I am so thankful for everything I am receiving that I want to tell the world about how wonderful this Buddhism is! I am getting stronger day by day and I am more and more determined to reach my goals! All of them! I am already on my way and I am already reaching them, one by one. That is for sure, And I incourage all of you to do the same! Reach for your dreams and goals and never ever give up! 


"If you fall down seven times, get up on the eighth. In other words, do not give up when you feel discouraged, just pick yourself up and renew your determination each time.! Daisaku Ikeda"

Too long no write...

So, It can easily be said that I've been pretty busy since I decided to start my photo blog. So busy, that I kinda forgot this one on the shelf to collect a lot of dust. But now, in waiting times for the new website and that there hasn't been that many photos to add to the new blog... I thought it was about time to try to breath some life in the old one. Where I can write and post almost anything else than things that are related to my pics. Or maybe little bit of everything...

Since june, I haven't left Scandinavia. These are the first 3 months in a row in a year, that I am staying in one place, not going nowhere... And I can tell you that I am getting a bit restless. But due to some things, it seems that I am here to stay for a little while. It's not all bad I must admit. Eventhough it hasn't been much of a summer here in Sweden, it still has been a summer filled with great moments and new and exciting things. I have made new friends, I kinda started working again after a little break, I started a new blog ( I took the chance to show my work to the world, and did I ever get blown away by the reaction!) and lot of other fun moments.

And yes! I have advanced in my Buddhist practice! This summer I have been preparing myself for the moment that is soon to come... In 6 days to be exact, I am receiving the Gohonzon. It is a very important moment in every Buddhist life and after almost 10 months of practising Nichiren_Buddhism it is now my turn. I am very exited to take my practise to another level. I can honestly tell you that I am amazed by all the benefits I have received since I've started. And few I have already told you about here on this blog. But with a deeper practise and strengthen faith, also come without a doubt, obstacles in various forms. Cause once you get stronger in your faith, the stronger the resistance gets. That is when you keep on practising day after day never gvining up; To become a stronger and happier person and to overcome all obstacles in life... To make your personal revolution.

And that is what I am doing here in Sweden. Even if I am not getting anywhere at the moment, I know that my stay here is only because I am preparing myself. I am building up something for the future. Something solid and strong. And I know when the time is right, and before I can imagine, I will be back where I belong.
Even stronger than last time. Even more convinced that this is my place. I have no doubt.

Until next! Take care and see you around!

Nam myoho renge kyo

Nothing lasts forever..

My life has an tendency to take an U-turn whenever I least expect it... And before I know it, I find my self in a situation far away from where I was the day before. And after a while all these twists and turns start to make me kinda carsick. Not knowing if I should keep looking on the road or if to concentrate on something else that could distract me for the moment... something that could make me less sick and dizzy. But I have learned with time, that watching the road, where you are actually are going is the only way to stop feeling nauseous. The trick is to look straight a head and focus.

So this is where I am at this very moment, trying to look forward and to focus. It isn't always easy and I don't always believe it is the right way. Cause eventhough I know that it is the only way, I am not really convinced. I always try to tell myself that there is another way, when in fact there isn't.

The fact is, that IF you want to stop this uncomfortable feeling, you have to follow the right instructions... Otherwise it won't work. No matter how much you want to find another way, there sometimes just isn't that option. You just have to accept and keep on looking forward. And like with everything else here in life, this bad feeling (and it can be the worst feeling you know) will come to an end. Cause as we all know, that no matter what it might concern, nothing lasts forever...

Everybody speaks Italiano

So here I am...  A straniero in a foreign country desperately trying to make it my new home...

Some days are, I have to say, much easier than others and I wake up quite happy and in a good mood in the mornings... (even thought it is to the sound of the garbage truck that for some reason visits our street more often than I think would be necessary....)  The street I live on, is despite it's size, a very lively street. Filled with sounds and smells (from someone cooking) and people and cars and vespas (scooters).... And yes, the mosquito's! From early morning till late night there is always something going on. I also have a football field as next door neighbor accompanied with 2 restaurants or osterias, a church and a shelter for homeless people... I've been around quite a lot in this new town of mine, and still I haven't seen a street like this one yet. So I guess it is rather unique.

Some days I feel so at home here. All my feelings are in sync with my surroundings and I feel it with every nerve in my body that I am TRULY living in a dream. A dream I've been having for so many years. I don't get annoyed by anything or anybody, and even though I hardly understand a word what people are saying, I still somehow understand. Just because I feel like a part of it all. And I feel HAPPY!!!

And then we have the other days.... The less good ones. When I don't really understand what I am doing here, what people are saying, why they are like they are and behave like they do... and suddenly EVERYBODY is speaking ITALIANO!!! = Not only with words but with their whole body. And I don't like it or get it at all... I feel like an alien, a straniero... Everything goes on my nerves and I become a very difficult person to deal with and live with. And I hate the mosquito's!!!! (Not that I like them, but at least I stand them...)

So why on earth or how can this wonderful place bring out so different emotions in me? Is this just a "normal" thing to feel and go through when you make a drastic change in your life? Or is it something else? I honestly don't get it. I have now been travelling back and forth the last 7 months or so, not knowing WHERE I belong. Once in one country I miss the other. At certain points I've been feeling torned in 2. And as soon as I leave for the other place it feels good, but there's something missing. I've got people I love and care for in each country so obviously that is killing me, to have to choose whom to be close to or not. I wish I could have all in one place. But I know that is just not an option I have. So could the answer be this? Or why is this so hard? I remember when I left my home country back in the days for that country that now has become my "old" country. It took some time to get used to be a broad, but I got over it. And also I was very young... I saw the world in a different light you could say. Now it's another story. Or isn't it?`Am I just experiencing it all over again what I did than, but that I just forgotten how it really was?

So if you who reads this, knows what I am talking about or if you know somebody who does, please do share. Let's talk!

Until next time... Thanks for hanging around all the way! I do appreciate it!

Note: Please please please, don't think that I don't like the Italians or their language. I LOVE the Italian language and the Italians are fantastic! :O)

A presto!

Taking the big step...

Few weeks ago I decided to take ( for me) a big step and show my photo art on facebook (where everybody could see it and I mean EVERYBODY... which can be a good thing as well as a very bad thing... (idea maybe?)) I've been thinking for a while what on earth I should (could) do, firstly about my longing of becoming an good photographer, secondly what kind of photography I would like to make and finally how and where to show it to everybody (anybody??) that might be slightest interested and hopefully get some credit. But as this world of ours is quite big and many people (and many very talented people) in it, I went around thinking that my shot to be noticed among all this people, was rather slim... But since I am definitely not the only artist that has thought those thoughts, I decided to push them aside and start believing what so many people have told me through the years, that I DO have a talent. Even though it might (read: will )need some polishing... So off I went and started taking some serious photos, really planing my shots hoping for one or two good pics at least... No need to say, thanks to my ADHD, I soon discovered that, THAT was not a plan I could stick to for a longer period of time. And as quickly as that idea had come to me, it went flying out the window... Instead I decided to let my mind and fantasy free and shoot what ever might catch my eye each and every time.

To make a long story short; I am now producing art of my photos. I take a picture and manipulate it you could say till I'm happy with the outcome. I hope that somewhere down the road, sooner or later one or more of my pics will catch someones eyes and who knows what will be...

Until then, I will gladly keep on being creative and express how I see this world. A world that looks so different to each of us at the same time that there is only one.

Thanks for dropping by. Welcome back anytime!

Back in business

So here I am, back on my old Blog in the times of Facebooking and Twittering... But since I'm an old fashioned guy, and a bit of a habit person, I like to, sooner or later, return to old and familiar places...

More than a year has passed by since my last post and a lot of water has passed under the good old bridge. After my latest adventure which took me all the way to Italy, I decided to start writing again, if not only to tell my story but also to put this in a sort of a time capsule. So I and my friends can go back and read and remember all the great things I lived while being there, when ever we feel like.

So now I have to leave you, but I will be back very soon with my story from Italy.

Be well and take good care of eachother.

The Vagabond