How to move on?

Lately, life has thrown me little too many curve balls. And since I am not the best catcher and never really have been, I'm now facing too many situations I simply can not handle in the best way.

I am not going to be too private here, but among the things that have happened, I can tell you about a loss of a very close relative. My beloved grandmother. A person that always has been there for me, no matter what. Every time I needed a good advice or just to call and hear her voice, she was there. And I always felt so much stronger after talking to her. She always said the right things. And her belief in me never ended. That kept me going on in life.

Only two weeks after coming back from Italy, I was back on the plane, this time going home, to my roots. Now it was to say the last farewell and to face my family and my past. I can not describe how strange it was to not be able to see my grandmother, waiting in the doorway, as I came up the stairs. To not sit with her in the kitchen having many of her wonderful cakes and wonderful home cooking. To not hear her voice... When I needed it the most. I have never felt so lonely. Even though she has been ill for many years and I haven't been able to speak to her for a very long time, she always has been there anyway. And that has given me strength. I know in my heart she's still around us, watching over her family. But at the same time I just can not grasp that she is gone.

I'v red that it takes time to understand and heal from a loss of a person that has been close to you. I honestly don't know how to move on... How do people cope? I read about it on the internet and I talk to people, and all I hear and see is, that it takes time and that your mood can shift for a while...  All I want is to make it go faster. I want to push fast forward and let it be summer or at least spring. Not the middle of dark November... But at the same time I am thankful it is soon Christmas with all it's lights, music and wonderful smells... I really don't have the perfect ending for this post, but I know that winter always turns to spring. I know that time will heal all wounds... Even mine...