Some days are, I have to say, much easier than others and I wake up quite happy and in a good mood in the mornings... (even thought it is to the sound of the garbage truck that for some reason visits our street more often than I think would be necessary....) The street I live on, is despite it's size, a very lively street. Filled with sounds and smells (from someone cooking) and people and cars and vespas (scooters).... And yes, the mosquito's! From early morning till late night there is always something going on. I also have a football field as next door neighbor accompanied with 2 restaurants or osterias, a church and a shelter for homeless people... I've been around quite a lot in this new town of mine, and still I haven't seen a street like this one yet. So I guess it is rather unique.
Some days I feel so at home here. All my feelings are in sync with my surroundings and I feel it with every nerve in my body that I am TRULY living in a dream. A dream I've been having for so many years. I don't get annoyed by anything or anybody, and even though I hardly understand a word what people are saying, I still somehow understand. Just because I feel like a part of it all. And I feel HAPPY!!!
And then we have the other days.... The less good ones. When I don't really understand what I am doing here, what people are saying, why they are like they are and behave like they do... and suddenly EVERYBODY is speaking ITALIANO!!! = Not only with words but with their whole body. And I don't like it or get it at all... I feel like an alien, a straniero... Everything goes on my nerves and I become a very difficult person to deal with and live with. And I hate the mosquito's!!!! (Not that I like them, but at least I stand them...)
So why on earth or how can this wonderful place bring out so different emotions in me? Is this just a "normal" thing to feel and go through when you make a drastic change in your life? Or is it something else? I honestly don't get it. I have now been travelling back and forth the last 7 months or so, not knowing WHERE I belong. Once in one country I miss the other. At certain points I've been feeling torned in 2. And as soon as I leave for the other place it feels good, but there's something missing. I've got people I love and care for in each country so obviously that is killing me, to have to choose whom to be close to or not. I wish I could have all in one place. But I know that is just not an option I have. So could the answer be this? Or why is this so hard? I remember when I left my home country back in the days for that country that now has become my "old" country. It took some time to get used to be a broad, but I got over it. And also I was very young... I saw the world in a different light you could say. Now it's another story. Or isn't it?`Am I just experiencing it all over again what I did than, but that I just forgotten how it really was?
So if you who reads this, knows what I am talking about or if you know somebody who does, please do share. Let's talk!
Until next time... Thanks for hanging around all the way! I do appreciate it!
Note: Please please please, don't think that I don't like the Italians or their language. I LOVE the Italian language and the Italians are fantastic! :O)
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